life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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