It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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