Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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