I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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