The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize