um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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