please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
