i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My dad is sitting where you rode me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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