I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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