Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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