just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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