well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize