He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize