i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
