He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
