I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
