batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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