So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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