Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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