you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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