I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
