I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
