I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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