Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
