he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
