Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize