my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
