Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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