I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
