I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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