I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize