my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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