youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize