He kissed a someone with a penis
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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