I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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