Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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