i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
