Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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