I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
