I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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