Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
