Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
