I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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