Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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