Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize