if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
