Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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