Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if only i could text you this smell
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
