This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
