Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
