Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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