I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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