I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
