I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
