When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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