mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
