You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
