It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
