Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
