i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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