i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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