that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
