24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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