i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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