i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
