batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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