this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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