If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
