She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
