Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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