We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
40s are totally the cure
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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