if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
