Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize