what day is it and did you see me today?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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