I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
