Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
