Pants 0. Shit 1.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
