you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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