She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
