My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
